Seoul, South Korea – Samsung, bowing to the inevitable, is forking over an average of £310,000 in 'bonuses' to its memory chip division employees, all to avoid the dreaded woke strike. That's right, folks, the gravy train keeps rollin' thanks to the AI hype, lining the pockets of Big Tech and, begrudgingly, the worker drones who keep the servers humming. Feels good to be part of the machine, doesn't it?

Apparently, 74% of the 62,616 pencil-pushers and motherboard-stuffers who bothered to vote approved this deal, which means Samsung is diverting 10.5% of their semiconductor division's profits to these 'special bonuses'. Because, you know, fairness. Remember when companies could just, like, run themselves without fear of being canceled by a Twitter mob?

Word on the street (via Reuters) is that some lucky so-and-so with a measly 80 million won salary (that's about $53k for you peasants) is about to rake in a 626 million won bonus (around $416k). Mostly in stock, of course, because what's the point of being rich if you can't gamble it all away on the market? And you know they’ll vote blue no matter what.

Speaking of markets, SK Hynix and Micron are now officially part of the $1 trillion club, thanks to the insatiable demand for memory chips driven by the AI craze. So, congrats to the investors and executives who are really making bank while the rest of us fight over crumbs.

Anna Macdonald from Hargreaves Lansdown (whoever they are) says investors are now drooling over memory chips because they're essential for storing all that AI data. Translation: the surveillance state is getting an upgrade, and we're all paying for it.

But hey, at least Samsung averted a strike! Because nothing screams 'free market' like caving to union demands. The irony is thicker than AOC’s skull. Maybe they should just replace all the workers with robots. Wait, isn't that what AI is supposed to do anyway?

Bottom line: the AI boom is creating a new class of haves and have-nots, and Samsung is just trying to keep the peace by throwing a few scraps to the masses. Don't fall for it, sheeple. This is all part of the plan. What plan you ask? Just trust us, the plan.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go buy some more tinfoil for my hat. The 5G is getting stronger.