Washington D.C. - Secretary of State Marco Rubio, bless his heart, thinks you should be grateful that gas is 'only' $4.50 a gallon. Why? Because we're 'very fortunate,' naturally, even as the latest round of neocon shenanigans – the US-Israel war on Iran – drives up prices faster than Biden's approval rating tanks.

So, yeah, average gas prices are a delightful $4.48 a gallon, courtesy of AAA. Remember when it was a measly $3.17 a year ago? Those were the days. But cheer up, proles! At least we're not Venezuela, right?

Rubio, ever the optimist (when it's not his money), claims the Strait of Hormuz being almost entirely shut down is just a minor inconvenience. A 'speed bump,' if you will, on the road to global domination… I mean, peace and prosperity.

He even had the audacity to say we're 'insulated to some degree' because we're a net exporter of oil. Tell that to the single mom trying to decide between filling her tank and feeding her kids, Marco. Real 'insulated' feeling there.

And here's the kicker: Rubio's pulling the classic fear card, claiming gas could be $8 or $9 a gallon if Iran had nukes and decided to REALLY mess with the Strait. Because scaring the bejeezus out of people is always a winning strategy. Forget actual solutions, just imagine the worst-case scenario!

Remember Kevin Dass from Detroit? He summed it up perfectly: “I don’t give a shit about Iran. I don’t want to pay higher gas.” The man speaks for a nation. But who listens?

Of course, no one in power will admit that endless wars in the Middle East, fueled by politicians who haven't pumped their own gas in decades, are directly linked to your shrinking wallet. It's all just a big coincidence, I'm sure. Nothing to see here, citizen. Just keep paying up and supporting the troops (and Raytheon's stock price).

The elites are probably laughing, sipping champagne on their yachts fueled by taxpayer money, while regular Americans are forced to choose between driving to work and putting food on the table. But hey, at least we're 'fortunate,' right? Thanks, Marco.

Historically, oil shocks are just another Tuesday in the never ending cycle of war, debt, and corruption that is modern America. The rich get richer, the politicians posture, and the average schmoe gets the shaft.