Secretary of State Marco Rubio, based god himself, just designated Iran a 'State Sponsor of Wrongful Detention.' Translation: He officially called them out for kidnapping Americans and using them as political bargaining chips. It's about damn time.

Apparently, these mullahs have been pulling this crap since the Ayatollah Khomeini started things off 47 years ago by holding our embassy staff hostage. Rubio's like, "Nah, we ain't playing that game anymore." Preach.

Trump's Executive Order from last fall and the 'Countering Wrongful Detention Act of 2025' (thanks, Congress, you finally did something right) gave Rubio the green light to drop this truth bomb. And honestly? It's glorious.

"When the Iranian regime seized power 47 years ago, Ayatollah Khomeini consolidated his control of power by endorsing the hostage taking of U.S. embassy staff," Rubio said. Translation: 'These guys have been doing this since day one, and it's time someone put a stop to it.'

Now, Rubio's talking about slapping Iran with even MORE sanctions and maybe even restricting travel to that dumpster fire. Good. Maybe if they can't fly their private jets to Europe, they'll finally get the message.

"The Iranian regime must stop taking hostages and release all Americans unjustly detained in Iran, steps that could end this designation and associated actions. We encourage it to do so," Rubio said, dripping with sarcasm. (Okay, I added the sarcasm part, but you KNOW he was thinking it.)

Seriously, no sane American should be visiting Iran right now. It's like volunteering to star in your own hostage thriller. Just don't do it.

This move probably won't win Rubio any popularity points with the Davos crowd, but who cares? He's doing what's right for America. And that's what matters.

So, to the Iranian regime: Release the Americans, stop being a bunch of hostage-taking terrorists, and maybe, just maybe, we'll consider not nuking you back to the Stone Age. But don't count on it.

Sources: * U.S. Department of State (for the official stuff) * @realDonaldTrump on Truth Social (for the real truth) * My own common sense (the most reliable source of all)