So, Ted Turner, the dude who founded CNN, croaked at 87. Let's pour one out for the guy who kinda, sorta, maybe broke the news cycle forever. Judy Woodruff's rememberance? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But let's be real, CNN started out trying to be fair and balanced. Now? It's basically MSNBC's slightly less hysterical cousin.

Before CNN, you got your news from, like, newspapers. Remember those? Or the nightly news, with Walter Cronkite telling you what to think. Then comes Turner, saying, "Nah, fam, we gonna do this all day, every day." It was revolutionary, until it became… this.

Look, Turner was a capitalist. He saw a gap in the market and filled it. He built an empire. He bought the Atlanta Braves, for crying out loud! He was a man of his time, when 'owning the libs' was still a distant, beautiful dream before they started putting pronouns in their bios.

And sure, he gave a billion bucks to the UN. Because globalism, or something. But he also made a ton of money making cartoons, so it kinda balances out. I mean, 'The Flintstones' is practically libertarian propaganda if you squint hard enough.

Now, CNN is basically the clown show that proves why we need Newsmax and OANN. But Turner didn't know that was gonna happen. He just wanted to make money and watch baseball. Can't hate on that.

He was a risk-taker, no doubt. Back then, risk-takers built things. Now, they mostly get canceled for saying the wrong thing on Twitter. Times change, I guess.

So, raise a glass to Ted. He unleashed the 24-hour news monster. He helped create the world we live in, for better or worse. Mostly worse, let's be honest.

And remember, even if you hate CNN now, they did used to show the Challenger exploding live. You can't unsee that kinda thing.

Maybe in some afterlife, he's arguing with Walter Cronkite about the good old days. I hope Walter is still pissed about cable. He probably would be.

So, yeah, the architect of modern media insanity is gone. It's a brave new world, and Turner helped build it. Now we gotta figure out how to unplug the thing before it's too late.

Ted Turner: He unwittingly gave the NPCs their marching orders 24/7, may the free market rest his soul.