Okay, zoomers. Gramps needs to explain something: Playboy used to be about ogling hot chicks. Now? It's all 'creator-led content' and 'pleasure for all.' Translation: woke capital got to it.

Let's rewind. Hef, bless his soul, created an empire out of beautiful women and aspirational bachelor pads. Sure, some pearl-clutchers got their bloomers in a twist, but he wasn't hurting anyone. He provided entertainment (for men!) and, let's be honest, a platform for some seriously gorgeous ladies. Then came the #MeToo freakout, and suddenly, everything was 'problematic'.

Now, before the soy boys start screeching, nobody's defending actual abuse. But let's be real: most of the 'revelations' in that 'Secrets of Playboy' doc were just gold diggers complaining about being gold diggers. Surprise! You dated a rich guy and he was a bit of a control freak. Welcome to the real world, cupcake.

So, what's Playboy's grand plan to virtue signal their way back to relevance? They hired a bunch of chicks (allegedly 80% of staff, LOL), changed the motto to something nobody understands, and launched 'Playboy Centerfold,' which is basically OnlyFans with a bunny logo. Groundbreaking.

The irony is thicker than a Kardashian's makeup. They're supposedly 'empowering' women by giving them more 'control' over their content...on a platform where they still have to sell their bodies for clicks. How progressive. It's like saying McDonald's is empowering cows by letting them choose which burger they want to be. Spare me.

Hef's rolling in his grave faster than Hunter Biden at a crack party. He built a brand on unapologetic male appreciation of female beauty. Now, it's all 'gender inclusivity' and 'safe spaces'. Next thing you know, they'll be putting pronouns in the masthead. The magazine featured a trans 'model' in 1981, progressives now are just copying Hef.

Let's be honest: this rebrand is a disaster in the making. The OG Playboy crowd will ditch it faster than a vegan at a BBQ, and the woke crowd will never accept it anyway. They'll always see Playboy as a symbol of 'toxic masculinity,' no matter how many female CEOs they hire. RIP, Playboy. You were fun while you lasted.

The rebrand spells the end of an era: another cultural icon falls victim to the woke mob, replaced by a watered-down, virtue-signaling shell of its former self. Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right.

Sources: * Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) * Pew Research Center * National Center for Public Policy Research