HARRISBURG, PA – Hold onto your hats, folks, because the clown show in Pennsylvania just got a whole lot crazier. The Commonwealth Court, in a move that would make even Soros blush, has decided that the Pennsylvania Constitution – yes, the same one written by guys in powdered wigs – magically guarantees a 'right to abortion.' And, of course, that means you, the hardworking taxpayer, get to foot the bill.

This whole circus started with a 2019 lawsuit by Planned Parenthood and their cronies, whining about a decades-old law that prevented Medicaid from being used for abortions. They claimed it was, like, totally unfair to poor women. Fast forward to 2022, when the Supreme Court finally grew a pair and overturned Roe v. Wade, sending the abortion debate back to the states where it belongs. But did that stop the woke mob in Pennsylvania? Of course not.

Now, suddenly, a divided panel of judges has discovered a hidden clause in the state constitution that says abortions are, like, super important. Apparently, the founding fathers were all about reproductive autonomy – right after they finished owning slaves, naturally. The mental gymnastics these people perform are Olympic-level. They probably think the Second Amendment is about the right to own a slingshot.

According to Susan Frietsche, head of the Women's Law Project (aka the taxpayer-funded leftist legal dream team), this ruling means Pennsylvania recognizes a “right to reproductive autonomy” at the “highest possible level of a right.” So, I guess that trumps, uh, everything else? Freedom of speech? Property rights? Nah, those are, like, totally patriarchal.

Republican Attorney General David Sunday is, predictably, 'reviewing the decision' and considering an appeal. Translation: he's lawyering up while the leftists celebrate their latest victory. Meanwhile, likely gubernatorial candidate Stacy Garrity is calling the decision 'misguided' and 'immoral.' You go, girl. But don't expect her to actually DO anything about it. Politicians only care about votes, not principles.

Meanwhile, Governor Josh Shapiro, a Democrat, is predictably thrilled. 'A woman’s ability to access reproductive care should never be determined by her income,' he declared, conveniently ignoring the fact that someone has to pay for it. And guess who that someone is? You. The working stiff. The guy who's already struggling to pay for gas and groceries. But hey, at least some random stranger can get a free abortion, right?