Alright, folks, brace yourselves. Looks like another state is about to get the full woke treatment. Some dude named Graham Platner, apparently an oysterman (who knew that was even a thing?), is somehow gaining traction in the Senate race. And get this – he's a progressive! In a state that used to elect moderates? What in the actual hell is going on?

It's like these coastal elites are injecting themselves into every corner of the country, trying to turn us all into virtue-signaling, latte-sipping liberals. This Platner guy probably wants to give away free oysters to illegal immigrants and defund the police so Antifa can run wild. I bet he's got a pronoun pin collection bigger than his fishing net.

Seriously, how does this happen? Are the boomers finally dying off and leaving the state to the millennials? Did they forget to vote? Did the RINOs in the state party decide to endorse a socialist just to own the cons? I need answers.

It's always the same story. Some shiny new candidate comes along promising free stuff and rainbows, and suddenly everyone forgets about fiscal responsibility, personal liberty, and not letting China win. Wake up, sheeple!

I bet this guy doesn't even know what a balanced budget is. He probably thinks inflation is just a myth made up by Fox News. And don't even get me started on his stance on guns. He probably wants to confiscate them all and turn us into a disarmed, defenseless utopia. Which is why, by the way, you need to be buying MORE guns.

But hey, at least we can look forward to higher taxes, more regulations, and endless virtue signaling from our new senator. Because that's exactly what this state needs. It's not like we have any real problems like, I don't know, economic stagnation, failing schools, or the creeping threat of the Deep State.

I'm telling you, this is a sign of the apocalypse. First, they came for the statues. Then, they came for the gender roles. Now, they're coming for our Senate seats. This is not a drill, people. It's time to fight back before this state is completely unrecognizable.

So, what can we do? Well, first of all, make sure you're registered to vote. And second, educate yourselves on the issues. Don't just blindly follow the mainstream media narrative. Do your own research and think for yourselves. And most importantly, spread the word. Let everyone know what's at stake. It's time to redpill this state before it's too late.

Remember, the soul of this state is on the line. Don't let it fall into the hands of these woke lunatics. Let's show them that we're not going to let them turn our state into another liberal wasteland. Let's make this state great again!

Time to start dumping tea in the harbor, lads. Or... maybe just oysters.