Hollywood, CA - So, the golden participation trophies are going walkabout again. Apparently, some fruitcake doc director almost shanked a TSA agent with his Oscar (weaponized wokeness, anyone?). Then there's the usual sob story about the rich costume lady who burned down her mansion and lost her shiny things. Cry me a river, Atwood. Maybe don't live in a fire hazard next time.

Let's be real: these things are basically glorified paperweights for people who get paid millions to pretend. And yet, when they go missing, it's a national crisis. Because feelings.

Frances McDormand's stolen statue? Probably Antifa trying to redistribute the wealth, one shiny object at a time. The Weinstein Company's lost Oscars? Good riddance. They're probably melting them down to pay lawyers. Jared Leto couldn't find his for six years? That's because he was too busy being a method actor or whatever nonsense he's into this week.

And of course, the libs are already spinning this into some kind of commentary on income inequality or climate change or whatever the crisis du jour is. As if missing Oscars are the biggest problem facing America. Give me a break.

The Academy will probably replace the melted Oscars, further enabling these entitled elites. No personal responsibility here, just handouts for the Hollywood elite, paid for by the average American schlub who's just trying to make ends meet.

Meanwhile, real Americans are out there building businesses, raising families, and contributing to society. They don't need golden statues to validate their existence. They have grit, determination, and a healthy dose of skepticism.

So next time you hear about a missing Oscar, remember: it's just another reminder that Hollywood is a self-obsessed bubble, completely disconnected from the real world. They should just glue them down and stop whining.

Maybe they should spend less time worrying about virtue signaling and more time worrying about securing their overpriced trinkets. Then again, maybe that's asking too much from the pampered elite.

Seriously, who cares? Get a grip, people. It's just an award. Go outside, touch grass, and realize there are bigger problems in the world than whether or not some millionaire actor knows where they put their shiny gold statue.

And for those still clutching their pearls, remember, the point isn't that the awards went missing, but that the recipients are so out of touch they don't even notice. It's a symptom of a larger disease: the cult of celebrity and the glorification of superficial achievements.

So next time a celebrity misplaces their Oscar, maybe instead of offering sympathy, we should all just laugh a little. It’s what they deserve. Get wrecked, woke-tards.

Instead of replacing the awards the academy should use that money to support the troops. That would be a better use of resources.