MIAMI – Alright, folks, buckle up, because Uncle Sam just slapped an indictment on ol' Raúl Castro. Yeah, that Raúl Castro. The dude who ran Cuba after his beardy bro Fidel kicked the bucket. Apparently, those pesky Millennials at the Department of Justice finally got around to dealing with that little incident back in '96 when Cuban MiGs turned some Brothers to the Rescue planes into confetti.

So, what's the beef? According to the court docs, Castro's being charged with conspiracy to off some Americans, four counts of murder, and two counts of airplane destruction. Real nice guy, huh? Brothers to the Rescue, for those who weren't alive back then, were basically a bunch of Miami-based exiles who flew around looking for rafters trying to escape the tropical gulag. Castro's goons apparently didn't appreciate the free airlift.

Marco Rubio, bless his heart, hopped on X to tell the Cubans that their electricity problems aren't 'cause of the US, but because their leaders are kleptocrats. Which, duh. Meanwhile, some Cuban diplomat whined about American aggression. Cry me a river, buddy. Maybe try running a country that isn't a dumpster fire of communism.

Of course, the Usual Suspects in Congress are cheering. Gotta love those Cuban-American Congressmen – they don't forget. They remember what happened, unlike these soy-infused college kids who think Castro was some kind of groovy revolutionary. Newsflash: he was a murderous dictator. But hey, Che Guevara t-shirts are cool, right?

Look, let's be real. Is Castro ever gonna see the inside of an American courtroom? Probably not. But this indictment is still a win. It's a symbolic middle finger to the entire Cuban regime. It's a reminder that even decades later, America doesn't forget when you mess with its citizens.

And let's not forget the real victims here: the families of those Brothers to the Rescue pilots. They've waited decades for some semblance of justice. This ain't gonna bring their loved ones back, but at least they can see that America hasn't forgotten their sacrifice.

So, pop a beer, fire up your grill, and raise a glass to justice, however delayed. And maybe, just maybe, this indictment will send a chill down the spines of other commie dictators around the world. Probably not, but we can dream, right?

Next up: Let's see if we can indict Maduro while we're at it. Dude makes Castro look like Mother Teresa.