Okay, so the RSPB is hyperventilating because some brown bird that sings all night is slightly less endangered. Congrats? Meanwhile, the price of petrol is still highway robbery, and the woke mob is trying to cancel Shakespeare. Priorities, people.

Apparently, these nightingales are making a minor comeback after decades of decline. The official story is habitat loss and climate change, but I suspect it's the same deep state plot that's been putting fluoride in our water. You know, the usual.

These birds like “dense thicket and scrub.” Sounds like my ex-wife's dating profile. Seriously, though, if you want more nightingales, just let the weeds grow. Problem solved. No need for more government programs and virtue-signaling eco-warriors.

Northward Hill in Kent is apparently the nightingale capital of the UK, with a whopping 47 singing males. I bet those birds are on the dole, too, just sitting around singing all day and contributing nothing to the GDP. At least the geese and cows contribute something.

The RSPB guy, Alan Johnson, is all smiles because the nightingale population at Northward Hill went from 15 to almost 50. That's great, Alan. Now, how about you focus on things that actually matter, like securing the border and stopping the trans agenda from infiltrating our schools?

Honestly, I'm more concerned about the decline of common sense than the decline of nightingales. But hey, if obsessing over birds makes you feel good, knock yourself out. Just don't expect me to join the chorus.

The British Trust for Ornithology says there are about 5,500 singing male nightingales left. That’s 5,500 too many, if you ask me. Just kidding…sort of. Look, I'm not saying we should eradicate nightingales, but let's not pretend they're more important than, say, affordable energy or free speech.

Bottom line: the nightingale story is a distraction from the real issues facing our nation. While the elites are patting themselves on the back for saving a few birds, the rest of us are struggling to make ends meet and fight back against the forces of wokeness. So, excuse me if I don't join the bird-watching party.

The conversion of arable land to woodland and scrub at Northward Hill has proven beneficial not only for nightingales but also for other species, including whitethroat, egrets, and butterflies such as the white-lesser hairstreak. The RSPB is continuing its work to create and maintain suitable habitats for nightingales, but there is a clear need for broader, national-level initiatives to address the factors contributing to their decline. Okay, boomer. Now gimme cheap gas.