So, Dustin Henderson from Stranger Things – Gaten Matarazzo, if you insist on using his real name – is apparently going full woke and making his West End debut in a revival of Rent. Because, you know, the world needed more virtue signaling from millionaire celebrities.

Rent, for those blissfully unaware, is that musical about starving artists in NYC during the AIDS crisis. You know, the one that makes you feel guilty for enjoying your own moderately successful life. The one where you're supposed to sympathize with hipsters who can't afford their lofts, even though they're probably trust fund babies anyway.

Jonathan Larson, the guy who wrote this dumpster fire, died before it became a smash hit. Tragic, sure, but maybe the universe was trying to save us all from another insufferable showtune.

Luke Sheppard, the director, is apparently riding high off his Paddington award. I guess selling out to saccharine children's entertainment is the perfect qualification for tackling the gritty realities of urban poverty and disease. This guy's gonna virtue signal so hard he'll need a chiropractor.

Hope Mill theatre, the small-time outfit associated with this production, probably thinks this is their big break. More like their big sellout. Get ready for your gritty, independent spirit to be absorbed by the corporate blob that is the West End.

Matarazzo is playing Mark, the filmmaker. Because of course he is. Hollywood elites love portraying themselves as documentarians of the downtrodden. It's their way of saying, "Look at me, I care!" While raking in millions, naturally.

Here’s a thought: maybe instead of staging another revival of this preachy garbage, these trust fund socialists could, I don't know, actually help people? But no, that would require actual work and sacrifice. Much easier to sing about it.

Rent won a Pulitzer Prize. Which just goes to show how out of touch those awards are. Probably given out by some geriatric committee who think Hamilton is revolutionary.

The plot touches on gentrification. Oh, the irony. A bunch of wealthy theater types putting on a show about the struggles of poverty in a city that's rapidly becoming unaffordable thanks to... wealthy theater types.

Look, I get it. Art is supposed to be thought-provoking. But Rent is just a self-congratulatory circle jerk for the elite. It's the theatrical equivalent of a participation trophy. And now, thanks to Gaten Matarazzo, we get to endure it all over again.