Okay, so the Deep State hasn't completely ruined everything. Turns out the National Mall, that swampy stretch of land where tourists go to get sunburnt and virtue signal, is actually pretty safe. Safer, dare I say, than your average TikTok meetup or a BLM fundraiser.

Who woulda thunk it? You'd expect, with all the woke garbage being shoved down our throats, that the Mall would be a hotbed of Antifa riots and gender-fluid interpretive dance-offs. But nope. Apparently, even the perpetually triggered are too busy arguing about pronouns to commit actual crimes there.

Of course, the reason it's safe is probably because the feds have more cameras than your grandma has cats. And cops. Lots and lots of cops. Probably the same cops who are supposed to be protecting the border, but hey, priorities, am I right? At least someone's getting protected.

Historical precedent? Let's see. The National Mall has always been relatively tame. Except, you know, that one time when the British tried to burn it down. But that was, like, a long time ago. Before avocado toast and participation trophies.

Experts (the ones who aren't paid off by Soros, anyway) will tell you that the National Mall is safe because it's got high visibility and lots of tourists. Basically, nobody wants to get caught on camera stealing a selfie stick. It's just not worth the hassle.

The economic implications are clear: tourists feel safer, they spend more money. More money for the government to waste on gender studies programs and green energy scams. Circle of (wasted) life.

But let's not get complacent. Just because the National Mall is relatively safe now doesn't mean it'll stay that way. One good woke riot and it'll be Burning Man meets the Hunger Games. We gotta stay vigilant, people. Stay armed. And for the love of God, stay off TikTok.

So yeah, the National Mall is safe. For now. Enjoy it while it lasts, because the apocalypse is coming. And when it does, you'll wish you had stockpiled more than just virtue signals.

Remember kids, always be prepared. And always have a healthy dose of skepticism for everything you read on the internet. Even this.