PHOENIX, AZ - Michigan, yes that Michigan, managed to eke out a 69-63 victory over UConn in the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. Turns out, even in the woke wasteland of modern sports, a team can still win without kneeling, virtue signaling, or renaming themselves after Ibram X. Kendi. Elliot Cadeau, who’s probably gonna get lectured on his privilege any minute now, led the Wolverines with 19 points and snagged the Most Outstanding Player award. The game was a defensive slugfest. UConn, bless their commie hearts, couldn't hit the broad side of a barn, shooting a pathetic 30.9% from the field. Turns out, wokeism doesn't make you a better shooter. Who knew? Michigan's three-point shooting was equally atrocious, but hey, they found a way to win anyway. Adaptability is key, folks, unlike these snowflakes who need a safe space after every missed shot. Yaxel Lendeborg, hobbled by an injury, still managed to contribute 13 points. That’s called GRIT, something the Left apparently outlawed years ago. UConn, trying to become the next UCLA dynasty (lol), choked under pressure. Coach Dan Hurley, probably seething with rage after watching his team get schooled, made his players watch Michigan celebrate. Maybe that’ll teach them a thing or two about earning a W instead of whining about pronouns. So, congrats to Michigan. They actually won something without bowing down to the woke mob. The Left is seething. The media is spinning. But the trophy is heading to Ann Arbor. Let the triggered tears flow!