So, the London Marathon, huh? Turns out, 1.3 million people (1.8% of UK adults, apparently) have applied to participate in the 2027 edition of this jog-a-thon. One point three million. That's a lot of soy boys and girls lining up to pretend they're athletes for a day.

Hugh Brasher, the London Marathon CEO (probably a diversity hire), is ecstatic. "This astonishing total… firmly establishes London as the world’s most sought-after marathon." Translation: We've successfully marketed masochism and participation trophies to the masses.

And get this: the largest number of applicants are women aged 20-29. Gen Z is really out here trying to signal that they're healthy, active, and totally not glued to TikTok 24/7. Bless their hearts. They'll probably need a safe space halfway through the race.

Of course, the organizers are pushing for a two-day marathon in 2027. Because one day of watching out-of-shape millennials wheeze their way across London isn't enough. They want two days of virtue signaling and photo ops. Twice the woke, half the results.

Let's be real: most of these people won't even finish. They'll walk a mile, post a sweaty selfie on Instagram with a caption about "pushing my limits," and then grab a gluten-free, vegan donut before Ubering back home. Pathetic.

Remember when Sabastian Sawe broke the two-hour marathon barrier? That was actually impressive. But that's not the story they want to tell. They want to celebrate participation, not achievement. Because, you know, everyone's a winner these days. Even the losers. It's the current year, after all.

Where did it all go wrong? It used to be that people ran for a reason - to hunt, escape, or compete. Now, they run so that they can post about it on social media. Pathetic. The whole event is a meme at this point.

So, congrats to the London Marathon organizers. You've successfully turned a sporting event into a giant circle jerk of self-congratulation and woke virtue signaling. The sad part is, people are actually going to line up to watch. Maybe the apocalypse can come now.

And if you happen to be one of the million-plus suckers who applied, good luck. You'll need it. Especially if you're planning on actually running the whole thing. LOL. LMAO even.