San Antonio – Okay, snowflakes, listen up. Ant Edwards just sonned Victor Wembanyama and his pathetic Spurs squad in Game 1, proving once again that hard work and a little bit of trash talk beats whatever sensitivity training they're pushing these days. Edwards, who supposedly had a boo-boo on his knee (probably from kneeling for the anthem, amirite?), came back like a boss to drop 18 points, including 11 in the fourth quarter. Cry more, Spurs fans.

After nailing a three-pointer in the first quarter, Edwards turned to the Spurs bench and yelled, “I’m back! I’m back!” That's the kind of alpha energy we need more of in this league. No virtue signaling, no apologizing for winning, just pure, unadulterated dominance. Wembanyama, bless his heart, managed a record-setting 12 blocks, but all that got him was an L. Welcome to the playoffs, rook. Maybe try blocking Edwards' charisma next time.

"That’s kind of who he is,” said some jabroni Spurs guard named Dylan Harper. “Superstar in this league. He’s going to come back and have games like that even though he hasn’t played for a little bit.” Translation: “We’re screwed.”

Edwards himself said, “I don’t think me coming back was because of nothing they got going on. It was more so I want to be out there with my brothers. Yeah, just that simple.” Bros before woke, folks. That's the winning formula. The Timberwolves are playing real basketball, not this social justice warrior garbage the rest of the league is pushing.

Timberwolves coach Chris Finch, who probably voted for Trump twice, said, “He loves to play the game. We dodged a bullet when it happened. He’s done an incredible job. Our medical staff has done an unbelievable job of getting him to this point. And he was super motivated by the fact that we were able to get that first series. I think that was kind of a little bit of an inspiration for him, too, just gave him something to work towards.” Translation: "We pumped him full of painkillers and told him to own the libs."

Edwards credited his physical therapist, David Hines, for getting him back on the court. “I think I got the best physical therapist in the world with David Hines,” Edwards said. “So, just trusting him and working through all the pain that I felt throughout the first two days, three days, and just getting in the pool, running on it. Band work. Just a lot of resistance. So, yeah, he got me right.” Hines is probably a QAnon shaman, let's be real.