CANBERRA – Well, folks, the gang that couldn't shoot straight in 2025 has decided to memory-hole the autopsy. The Liberal Party's federal executive voted to stuff the Pru Goward/Nick Minchin review of their historic electoral drubbing down the nearest digital garbage chute. Why? Because apparently, “what’s important now is that we strengthen our party for the future.” Right. Because nothing says 'strength' like burying evidence of your own incompetence.

The review, commissioned after the Libs achieved their worst election result in like, forever, apparently contained some spicy nuggets about the roles of Peter Dutton (remember him?), Angus Taylor (who?), and Jane Hume (the 'Chinese spies' lady). Who could have possibly foreseen this?

"The May 2025 election result was a decisive defeat. We accept that verdict. We also accept the responsibility to change," the party said, presumably while crossing their fingers and sacrificing a rubber chicken to the gods of political expediency. “The federal executive has decided not to publish the review. What’s important now is that we strengthen our party for the future.” Translation: we don't want anyone to know how badly we screwed up, because that might hurt our feelings.

Dutton, bless his cotton socks, reportedly threw a hissy fit about some of the findings against him and his chief-of-staff. Seems fair. Why should leaders be held accountable for anything? I mean, it's not like the peasants deserve to know, right?

And then there's Jane Hume, whose 'Chinese spies' gaffe single-handedly swung entire electorates to the other side. But hey, at least she’s still on the federal executive, making important decisions. Like, uh, deciding what color the new Liberal Party logo should be. Probably beige.

Of course, some brave souls within the party are actually upset about this. One anonymous MP whined that the decision will prevent the party from learning from its mistakes. As if the Liberal Party is capable of learning anything. Maybe they should try reading a book sometime. Or talking to someone who isn't a millionaire.

But the real reason they buried the report? A “fresh start,” apparently. Because pretending the problem doesn't exist is always the best way to solve it. Reminds me of the time I tried to fix my leaky faucet with duct tape and denial. Didn't work then, won't work now, but hey, worth a shot.

Some members of the executive were worried about a potentially costly legal fight with Dutton, comparing it to some drama in Victoria. Gotta protect those legal fees, right? Can’t be spending money on… I don’t know… connecting with voters? Absurd!

Pru Goward, one of the review's authors, is “of deep regret” that her work won't see the light of day. Poor Pru. Maybe she should write a tell-all memoir. I'd buy it. Especially if it included juicy details about all the backstabbing and infighting within the Liberal Party. Now that's what I call entertainment.

So, what's the takeaway from all this? The Liberal Party is a dumpster fire, they're afraid of their own shadow, and they'd rather bury the truth than face the music. But hey, at least they're unified. In their incompetence.

And to be clear, this isn’t just about the Libs. This is about the whole political charade. It’s about politicians thinking they’re above the rules, that they don’t have to answer to anyone. It’s about the death of accountability in Australian politics. And frankly, it’s enough to make you want to move to New Zealand. Or maybe just start a farm in the middle of nowhere and never look back.

So here we are, left with nothing but unanswered questions and the lingering stench of political malfeasance. But hey, at least we have memes, right? Memes and the sweet, sweet satisfaction of knowing that these clowns are just as clueless as we are.