Cambridge, MA - So, Conan O'Brien, that has-been late-night host, is gracing Harvard University with his presence. Because what better way to prepare the next generation of globalist elites than with the wisdom of a dude whose career peaked when Y2K was still a thing? I'm sure his edgy comedy will really stick it to the man... the man being, you know, checks notes the Trump administration, which is apparently Public Enemy #1 for anyone who’s ever set foot in a college lecture hall.

Harvard, bless their little commie hearts, is of course in the crosshairs of the Orange Man. Why? Because they’re sitting on an endowment bigger than some countries' GDPs while whining about “social justice” and charging kids six figures for a useless degree in interpretive dance. It's almost like they want to be targets. They are basically saying "Tax us, Daddy Trump!"

Expect O'Brien to deliver the standard-issue “follow your dreams” speech, conveniently ignoring the fact that most of these kids are already trust-fund babies with connections that would make a mob boss jealous. Maybe he’ll throw in a jab or two at Trump, because that's always comedy gold, right? (Narrator: It's not.) It plays well with the Zoomer lefties, though.

It's the same old story. Elite universities, insulated from the real world, churning out woke warriors who think capitalism is evil while simultaneously sipping their $7 lattes and planning their summer internships at Goldman Sachs. The irony is thicker than AOC's makeup.

And let's not forget the whole “free speech” thing. Harvard claims to be all about open discourse, but try voicing a conservative opinion on campus and see how quickly you get canceled faster than Roseanne Barr. It's a safe space for leftist dogma, masquerading as a bastion of intellectual inquiry. SAD!

So, grab your popcorn, folks. This commencement address is sure to be a masterclass in virtue signaling and self-congratulatory elitism. Just don't expect any actual wisdom or practical advice. And definitely don't expect O'Brien to tell these kids that maybe, just maybe, they should consider getting a real job instead of joining the ranks of the professionally offended. #MAGA #TRIGGERED #OWNTHELIBS

Sources:

* Harvard University, Department of Admissions * U.S. Department of Education, College Scorecard * Young America's Foundation