So, another plane crash, eh? Two pilots turned into expensive, high-altitude salsa thanks to the bureaucratic brilliance of LaGuardia Airport and the FAA. The NTSB's 'preliminary report' (translation: 'we're covering our asses') drops, and surprise, surprise, everyone's to blame except the geniuses running the show. A firefighter heard 'stop' but didn't know who it was for? Sounds about right. Guy probably spent more time filling out diversity training forms than learning basic radio procedures. Remember the good old days when you could trust that first responders would respond?

Let's break it down, shall we? The 'advanced' crash prevention system – ASDE-X, or as I like to call it, ASDE-FAIL – didn't trigger. Why? Because the fire truck didn't have a transponder. I mean, come on! You'd think the vehicle designed to prevent fiery deaths would be equipped with the basic tech to, you know, prevent fiery deaths. But hey, gotta save those taxpayer dollars for…something. Ukraine, maybe?

And don't even get me started on the 'emergency' that triggered the whole shebang – a 'strong odor' in a United Airlines jet. Sounds like someone ordered the fish. Seriously though, you shut down a runway and send six emergency vehicles for a smell? Back in my day, flight attendants just cracked a window and told passengers to suck it up. Now, everyone gets a participation trophy and a near-death experience. Good job, everyone.

Then there's the air traffic control. Cleared the fire truck to cross the runway 12 seconds before the plane landed? Either the controller was playing Candy Crush or they're just incompetent. I'm betting on both. But no worries, they probably got a gold star for inclusivity. Can't be racist if you crash planes equally. Woke scoring is the new safety score, right?

And of course, LaGuardia was busier than a Wendy's on welfare Wednesday thanks to flight delays. So, to sum it up: malfunctioning tech, oversensitive snowflakes, and incompetent bureaucrats all mashed together into a glorious symphony of failure. And two pilots paid the price. But hey, at least we're diverse and inclusive, right?

Bottom line: The government has one job, and that's to keep the planes from crashing. They failed. Spectacularly. Time to drain the swamp, starting with the FAA. But hey, at least we know what the NTSB thinks. Now we can ignore them. Safe travels, folks. You're gonna need it.