So, El 85, a dude who helped start the Jalisco New Generation Cartel (CJNG), finally folded like a cheap suit and pleaded guilty to drug trafficking. Big whoop. The DOJ is patting itself on the back, the DEA is doing their victory dance, and the rest of us are wondering when we can finally buy gasoline for less than a kidney on the black market.

This 'El 85' character, whose real name is apparently Érick Valencia Salazar, is looking at a decade behind bars for the crime of... uh... being really, really good at business? Look, I'm not saying drug dealing is good, I'm just saying these cartels understand supply and demand better than Janet Yellen ever will. Plus, free market principles, am I right?

The DEA is all, “He helped build CJNG into a ruthless organization that uses violence as a business model!” Okay, so… capitalism? I mean, Amazon does pretty much the same thing, just with less actual murder. (Allegedly.) And more Prime shipping.

Remember when Trump designated CJNG a Foreign Terrorist Organization? Good times. The only thing that designation accomplished was giving the bureaucracy more reasons to spend our tax dollars. Meanwhile, the fentanyl keeps flowing like a busted fire hydrant at a BLM protest.

And let's be real: even if El Mencho is actually pushing up daisies (allegedly from capture injuries, sure), another dude is gonna step up. It's like whack-a-mole, but with more severed heads and less actual fun. The circle of cartel life continues. Hakuna Matata.

Meanwhile, Claudia Sheinbaum is all smiles, pretending this is some sort of major victory. Honey, you're running a country where the cartels basically are the government in large swaths of territory. One less mid-level manager ain't exactly turning the tide.

Look, the War on Drugs is a colossal failure. Decades in, trillions spent, and all we've accomplished is enriching criminals and turning inner cities into warzones. Maybe it's time to admit that prohibition doesn't work. Just ask Al Capone. Or any brewery owner in Colorado.

So, yeah, El 85 pleaded guilty. Cool. Wake me up when they legalize weed federally and stop pretending that locking people in cages solves complex socio-economic problems. Until then, I'll be over here stocking up on ammunition and wondering if I should invest in bitcoin.

This whole thing is less 'Mission Accomplished' and more 'Hold my beer, I got this...again!' It's a loop, a cycle, a never ending parade of stupidity that makes you want to move off grid and live in a yurt. But hey, at least the government is doing something.

They said, 'lock him up!' so they locked him up. Now, who wants to take bets on how long it takes the replacement to surface? Place your bets now, folks.

Sources:

* U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ) * Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) * Congressional Research Service (CRS)