LONDON – So, remember that dream of finally owning a cramped little flat in London? Yeah, forget about it. Turns out, the Iranian Adventure™ is screwing over everything, including your pathetic attempts to join the property-owning class. Thanks, Brandon!

According to some pointy-headed bureaucrats at the Royal Institution of Chartered Surveyors (RICS) – who are probably all globalist shills anyway – people are suddenly less keen on buying houses. Shocker. Apparently, the prospect of 10% mortgage rates and inflation that makes Weimar Germany look fiscally responsible is putting a damper on things.

The Bank of England, those geniuses who somehow manage to make the Federal Reserve look competent, warned us last month that inflation is “unavoidable” because of the war. Unavoidable for you, pleb. The elites will be just fine, sipping champagne in their gated communities while you’re stuck renting a room in a house shared with seven other people.

And don't even get me started on government borrowing costs. Apparently, those things are going up, which means mortgage rates are going up, which means your dreams of homeownership are going down faster than Hunter Biden at a crack party.

Tarrant Parsons (probably a soyboy) from RICS says things will remain “subdued” until we get a “clearer path” for inflation. Translation: we’re screwed until the globalists decide to stop printing money and starting wars.

The numbers don't lie. New buyer inquiries are down. Sales are down. The only thing going up is the price of avocado toast, which, ironically, is now a luxury item you can't afford even if you could afford a house. Which you can't.

And get this: there’s a “regional divide.” Fancy talk for “London is getting wrecked.” Serves them right. Let those woke millennials figure out how to pay £3,000 a month for a studio apartment. Maybe they should try coding.

The rental market is even worse. Landlords are fleeing faster than liberals after Trump got elected (again). Fewer properties available, higher rents. You know, the usual.

Savills (whoever they are) says there’s “greater caution” among buyers and sellers since the Iran war started. No duh. People are starting to realize that maybe, just maybe, the world isn't all sunshine and rainbows. Maybe, just maybe, we’re heading for a colossal economic disaster.