Alright, folks, let's cut the crap. The Iran war is here, and the global economy is officially circling the drain. All those promises of a 'soft landing'? LOL. Get ready for a face-first plant into the recessionary mud.

Gas prices are already spiking faster than Kamala Harris's approval ratings. Remember when they told you to buy an electric car? Yeah, good luck charging that thing when the power grid collapses. Speaking of collapse, your 401k is about to become a 201k. Thanks, Brandon!

Remember the '70s? Gas lines, inflation, disco? Get ready for a sequel, except this time it's gonna be directed by Michael Bay and starring the WuFlu and World War III. This is what happens when you let woke generals and Davos elites run the show.

They told you to trust the science, then they locked you in your house for two years. They told you inflation was 'transitory,' then your grocery bill doubled. Now they're telling you everything is fine. Yeah, sure it is. Just like Jeffrey Epstein killed himself.

The elites are probably already building their bunkers in New Zealand. Meanwhile, you're stuck here with your student loan debt and your pronouns. Maybe you should have learned a trade instead of getting a gender studies degree.

The only way to survive this is to embrace your inner prepper. Stock up on food, water, and ammo. Learn how to barter. And for God's sake, turn off CNN. The media is just trying to distract you from the impending doom.

Start learning some self-reliance skills, cause the government can't help you. Also, start saying Merry Christmas again, cause political correctness is dead. We’re heading back to the Dark Ages, baby.

Buckle up, buttercups. It's gonna be a bumpy ride. And remember, when the SHTF, don't be a soyboy. Be a Chad.

Alright, let’s get this bread (and ration it carefully). Buy silver. Short the dollar. And for the love of God, learn how to change a tire. This isn't a drill, people. This is the real deal.

TL;DR: We're screwed. Prepare for the apocalypse. Also, buy Bitcoin (maybe).