Washington, D.C. – Another day, another potential global crisis because our geriatric leaders can't get their act together. Seems like no US-Iran deal is on the horizon, which means the Strait of Hormuz, the world's oil IV drip, might get plugged. Buckle up, buttercups.

Remember the Iran deal? That masterpiece of diplomacy that everyone totally agreed on and definitely didn't lead to more problems? Yeah, well, it's dead. We're all shocked, I know. But hey, at least we got some good memes out of it.

Turns out, when you let a bunch of religious fanatics get their hands on nuclear materials in exchange for, like, a pinky promise, things don't exactly go smoothly. Who could have seen that coming? Certainly not the geniuses in striped pants at the State Department.

Now, because nobody wants to blink first in this staring contest, we're staring down the barrel of a potential Strait of Hormuz closure. This is gonna be great for gas prices, inflation, and basically everything else that already sucks. Thanks, everyone!

Naturally, the geniuses in charge are suggesting we try some “interim agreements” or “confidence-building measures.” You know, the same kind of feel-good, non-binding garbage that got us into this mess in the first place. Spoiler alert: it’s not gonna work. They're gonna nuke us and build space pyramids.

The international community, bless their hearts, is also chiming in, offering to “facilitate dialogue” and “build trust.” Translation: they're gonna sit around and drink tea while the world burns. Maybe they'll offer thoughts and prayers.

So, what's the solution? Honestly, I'm not sure. Maybe we should just nuke Tehran and be done with it. I mean, that's definitely the responsible and measured approach, right? Just kidding… mostly. Send the Navy in and make sure the Strait is kept open, or else.

At this point, the only thing that's certain is that we're all screwed. The adults aren't in charge, and the world is rapidly descending into chaos. But hey, at least we have Netflix and tendies. Small mercies, I guess.

In the meantime, invest in canned goods, learn how to purify water, and brush up on your bartering skills. The apocalypse is coming, and you don't want to be caught unprepared. Also, stock up on toilet paper. You remember how that went last time.

And for the love of God, stop voting for these clowns. Seriously, is it really that hard to find someone who isn't completely incompetent? Apparently, yes. The system is rigged. The deep state is real.

So here we are, on the brink of another global crisis, brought to you by the same people who told you the pandemic was no big deal and that inflation was “transitory.” God help us all. Strait of Hormuz closure might just be the thing that collapses the dollar.

Sources: * U.S. Energy Information Administration (EIA) – for the Strait of Hormuz facts * International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) – for Iranian nuke program deets