New York, NY – So, get this: ICE rolled up to Columbia, the place where intellectual rigor goes to die, claiming they were hunting for a 'missing person.' Turns out, they just wanted a chat with some student. Attorneys and the University Prez are clutching their pearls. Translation: Someone finally held a Leftist accountable, and now they’re screaming about 'rights' and 'privacy.'

Missing person? More like missing common sense. These universities are practically recruitment centers for socialist revolutionaries. You think ICE is really worried about some dude who wandered off after too much kombucha? Nah. They were probably tipped off about something spicy.

Columbia's president is wringing his hands, probably drafting a strongly worded letter while simultaneously fundraising for AOC’s next campaign. You know, gotta 'protect' those delicate snowflakes from the big, scary federal agents. Safe spaces forever!

The Fourth Amendment? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Reasonable searches and seizures. But when you’ve got a bunch of trust fund revolutionaries plotting the overthrow of capitalism in their dorm rooms, a little creative interpretation of 'probable cause' is probably justified. Sue me. (Don't actually sue me.)

Let's be real: These kids aren't building bridges; they're burning them. They're not solving problems; they're creating them. And when the consequences of their actions finally catch up to them, they cry 'oppression.' Boo hoo.

ICE is the only thing standing between us and total anarchy. So, yeah, maybe they bent the rules a little. So what? At least they're doing something to protect the country from the woke hordes. Remember the Alamo! (Wait, wrong context. But you get the idea.)

Meanwhile, the virtue-signaling professors are probably organizing a teach-in on the 'dangers of unchecked government power.' Because apparently, enforcing immigration laws is now 'fascism.' These people need a history lesson... and a reality check.

This is what happens when you let academia turn into a playground for radical ideologies. You get pampered brats who think they're above the law. And then ICE shows up to remind them that, surprise, they're not. Cope.

So, to the Columbia student who got a visit from ICE: Maybe next time, think twice before joining that Antifa book club. Just sayin'. And to ICE: Keep up the good work. Drain the swamp, one overpriced college campus at a time.

Don't like it? Go cry to your gender studies professor. Or better yet, get a job. Contribute to society. Maybe then you'll understand why some of us are actually grateful for the people who keep this country safe.

Next up, maybe ICE will raid the Yale drama department to look for illegal amounts of acting.

Honestly, this is better than any reality TV show. I'm here for the ensuing chaos and the inevitable leftist tears.