So, you're telling me a loaf of bread without the gluten – the stuff that's been in bread since, like, forever – now costs more than my monthly Rumble subscription? What in the name of Reaganomics is going on here?

Apparently, the coeliac crowd is crying foul because their bougie bread is breaking the bank. A measly loaf of the 'free-from' stuff is hitting four quid! Meanwhile, you can still snag a regular loaf for less than a buck. The audacity! Big Bread is laughing all the way to the bank. Bet they're using the profits to fund antifa.

Alison Peters from Coeliac Sanctuary (sounds like a yoga retreat for the gluten-intolerant elite) is whining about it becoming a 'luxury.' Newsflash: it always was. Since when did dietary preferences become a human right? Next thing you know, vegans will be demanding free avocado toast.

Before the Iran war (you know, the one nobody asked for), food prices were slowing down. But now? Buckle up, buttercups, because the 'experts' are saying prices could jump another 10%. Thanks, Brandon! The globalists are winning, and your wallet is paying the price.

Poor Alison is worried about families with multiple coeliacs. Genetics, she says. Probably from all the soy they're consuming. A family going through 'several loaves' a week? That's just wasteful. Learn to bake, people! Or better yet, eat some real food.

Trolley.co.uk (never heard of it) says gluten-free bread is up nearly 6% since last year. Flour is even worse, up over 10%. It's all part of the plan, people. Deplete our resources, control the food supply, and turn us into soy-guzzling zombies. Wake up!

Then there's Nicole from Dudley, whose local Aldi is now gluten-free-unfriendly. Tragic! She's had to upgrade to artisanal bread, and how! Maybe instead of complaining to Guardian Money she should find a boyfriend with a bread maker, you know what i'm saying?

Tesco is patting itself on the back for maintaining its product range. Of course they are. They're raking in the dough (pun intended) while virtue signaling about inclusivity. It's the circle of woke capitalism.

So, what's the solution? Stop buying the garbage. Support local farmers. Bake your own bread. And most importantly, stop falling for the gluten-free grift. It's a scam designed to empty your wallet and weaken your resolve. Stay strong, kings (and queens). We need our strength to fight back against the coming gluten-free dystopia.