Paris, France – Day Two at the French Open. Translation: another day of millionaire athletes swatting a fuzzy yellow ball around while lecturing the rest of us about our carbon footprint. Iga Swiatek, the World No. 3 and queen of performative allyship, is back to defend her clay kingdom. One can only assume she'll be sporting another virtue-signaling ribbon while raking in the dough.

Then there's Elena Rybakina, fresh off her Australian Open win. Will she use her platform to denounce the oppression of Uyghurs in China? Don't hold your breath. More likely, she'll be busy perfecting her backhand and dodging questions about her citizenship.

Katie Boulter is also there, bless her heart, trying to break through the established order. Maybe she'll go further than the second round this time. Stranger things have happened. After all, if Kamala can be VP...

The real story is Rafael Jodar. This guy went from outside the Top 700 to seeded at the French Open faster than you can say “sudden adult death syndrome.” What happened, did he finally ditch the soy and start lifting weights? Either way, it proves that meritocracy isn’t entirely dead, even in the woke-infested world of professional tennis. Yet.

Ben Shelton is facing Daniel Merida – who cares? And then there's Stan Wawrinka, dragging his ancient bones onto the court for one last payday. Good for him. Gotta respect the hustle, even if it's powered by Geritol and a healthy dose of denial.

So, tune in, folks, if you enjoy watching privileged elites engage in pointless displays of athleticism while the world crumbles around us. Just remember to take everything you see and hear with a grain of salt. Especially the commentary.

Remember, the only thing more predictable than Swiatek winning another set is the relentless barrage of leftist propaganda that will be shoved down our throats between matches. Stay strong, patriots. And maybe place a small wager on Jodar. The guy’s got moxie.