So, two French dudes, Cecile Kohler and Jacques Paris, are back in France after a three-year all-expenses-paid stay at Iran's finest hospitality establishment, Evin Prison. Turns out the Ayatollah's de-radicalization program wasn't as effective as advertised. Surprise, surprise.

Now, the big question is: what did Macron have to give up to get these guys back? Did he promise to send croissants and berets to the Revolutionary Guard? Maybe a lifetime supply of brie for Khamenei? You know there was some kinda backroom deal, because these guys don't just hand back tourists for free.

Evin Prison, by the way, is basically Club Fed for political dissidents and unlucky Westerners. Think Club Gitmo, but with more beards and less freedom fries. I bet these guys got an earful about Western imperialism and the evils of capitalism while they were there. Gotta love those forced cultural exchanges, amirite?

Did they at least get a prayer rug with their complimentary toiletries? Or maybe a copy of the Ayatollah's greatest hits? I'm picturing them being forced to listen to lectures on the glories of the Islamic Revolution while being served lukewarm camel stew.

The Left will probably spin this as a victory for diplomacy. “See, we can reason with the Mullahs!” Yeah, right. They're just playing the game. Release a few hostages, get some sanctions relief, and keep building those nukes.

We need to stop pretending that Iran is a rational actor. They're a bunch of religious fanatics who want to destroy Western civilization. And we're over here trying to negotiate with them like they're a bunch of rational bureaucrats.

These guys probably spent half their time apologizing for being white and the other half trying to explain the difference between gender and sex to their captors. Talk about a culture clash. Bet they learned a thing or two about real oppression though, eh?

I'm just waiting for the think pieces about how Evin Prison is actually a “healing space” and that the guards are just misunderstood social workers. Because that's how it always goes. The more oppressive a regime is, the more the Left bends over backwards to defend it.

Anyways, welcome back to France, Cecile and Jacques. Hope you enjoyed your stay. Just don't expect any apologies from the woke brigade for the fact that you were held hostage by a bunch of medieval religious zealots.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go stock up on canned goods and ammo. Just in case the Mullahs decide to invade. You know, for laughs. Because nothing is sacred anymore.

And seriously, somebody needs to ask Macron what he gave up for this. We deserve to know if he traded away the Eiffel Tower for a couple of hostages. Priorities, people! Priorities!