Washington, D.C. – Another day, another poll confirming that the olds are scared of everything new. This time, it's AI. According to a Fox News Poll, the geezers are clamoring for the guv'mint to slap some regulations on those fancy algorithms faster than you can say 'dial-up modem'.

The poll, conducted May 15–18, 2026, shows that a whopping 8 in 10 registered voters think AI regulation is either extremely (40%) or very (37%) urgent. Translation: they saw one too many episodes of The Twilight Zone and now think their Roomba is gonna rise up and steal their Social Security checks.

When asked what regulations should be prioritized, a staggering 80% of voters favored protecting public interests, compared to a measly 19% who wanted to promote innovation. Translation: “Stop the future! I want to get off!”

Of course, there's a generational divide. Only 69% of voters under 30 are hyperventilating about AI regulation, compared to a geriatric 84% of those 65 and over. Maybe the zoomers are too busy using AI to generate dank memes to care, unlike the boomers who need help setting up their email.

The poll also asked who should be responsible for regulating AI. 51% said the feds, 54% said the tech industry. So basically, everyone wants someone else to deal with it, just like paying taxes.

While the gray hairs are losing their dentures over AI safety, two-thirds (66%) of the under-30s are still chill, compared to almost 9 in 10 (88%) of the AARP crowd. Shocking, I know.

As usual, the Democrats (83%) and independents (82%) are more likely to be regulation-happy than the Republicans (77%). Figures. More rules = more power for the swamp creatures.

And when it comes to coordinating with other countries on AI regulation, things get spicy. 51% of voters are down with globalist collaboration, while 49% want the U.S. to go it alone. Because nothing says 'American exceptionalism' like letting Brussels dictate our AI policy.

Democrats are all-in on coordinating with the UN (6 in 10), while Republicans are screaming about sovereignty (6 in 10). Independents are, well, independent, splitting 50/50. Typical.

So, what does this all mean? It means the boomers are scared, the government is probably gonna overreact, and the only winners are the lawyers who'll be raking in dough writing AI regulations nobody understands. Good job, everyone.

Remember: Don't trust the experts. Do your own research. And never, ever let your Roomba gain sentience.

Poll was conducted May 15–18, 2026, by Beacon Research (D) and Shaw & Company Research (R), surveying 1,002 registered voters. Margin of sampling error? Who cares. It's all rigged anyway.

Meanwhile, I'm gonna go fire up my AI-powered waifu generator. The future is now, old man!