Okay, so five Italians bought the farm in the Maldives. Apparently, they thought scuba diving in deep caves was a good idea. Spoiler alert: it wasn't. This isn't exactly a national tragedy, folks. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Natural selection at work.

They were supposedly on a 'research trip,' which is hilarious. What kind of groundbreaking science requires you to squeeze through underwater tunnels? I'm guessing the only thing they 'discovered' was how quickly one can drown.

One of the geniuses was a 'marine scientist' and her daughter. Talk about a family bonding experience gone horribly wrong. Maybe they should have stuck to collecting seashells on the beach. Less chance of becoming fish food.

The pearl-clutching media will probably spin this as some kind of 'systemic failure' or 'lack of regulation.' Give me a break. These people chose to dive into a dangerous cave. No one forced them. It's called personal responsibility, snowflakes. Look it up.

I bet the Maldives government is thrilled. Five fewer tourists clogging up the beaches and spending money. Think of all the resources saved! Plus, the local fish get a free Italian buffet. Everybody wins… except the Italians.

Seriously, though, this is a prime example of why you shouldn't trust 'experts.' A marine scientist? More like a marine moron. Common sense should have told them that deep cave diving is a recipe for disaster. But hey, science!

And let's be honest, cave diving is for lunatics anyway. Who in their right mind would want to swim around in dark, claustrophobic tunnels filled with who-knows-what? I'd rather watch paint dry. At least that's not likely to kill me.

So, here's a toast to the fallen divers. May their souls rest in pieces… scattered across the ocean floor. And a word of advice to anyone considering a similar adventure: Don't. Unless you have a death wish, in which case, go for it. Just don't expect me to shed a tear.

Let the Libs cry about it. We'll just chalk it up to another example of why you should avoid anything that sounds even remotely like a good time. Especially if it involves caves, water, or Italians.

RIP (Rest in Pieces). Maybe invest in some floaties next time? Nah, too soon?