Okay, folks, gather 'round the dumpster fire because the perpetually offended are OFFENDED. Seems like the endless supply of Ozempic, Wegovy, and the rest of the alphabet soup of 'miracle' weight loss drugs is drying up for the Average Joe (and Jane). Insurance companies, bless their capitalist hearts, are finally realizing they can't afford to bankroll the nationwide quest for effortless slimness.

Suddenly, the 'body positivity' brigade is singing a different tune. Turns out, loving your curves is a lot easier when you know you can just inject them away with Daddy Government's credit card. Now that the gravy train is slowing down, it's time for the outrage Olympics.

Remember when 'diet culture' was the enemy? When shaming fat people was the ultimate sin? Now, not having access to overpriced drugs that let you eat like a garbage disposal and still fit into skinny jeans is the real oppression. The irony is thicker than a deep-fried Twinkie.

Look, nobody's saying obesity is a moral failing. But maybe, just maybe, personal responsibility should enter the chat. You know, like eating a vegetable once in a while, or taking a brisk walk instead of rage-tweeting about 'fatphobia.'

Of course, the Left is already blaming 'systemic inequality' and 'healthcare injustice.' Never mind the fact that these drugs are a relatively new invention, available mostly to those with decent insurance (which, let's be honest, isn't exactly the most oppressed demographic). Suddenly its about poor black people not getting their medicine.

The real victims here are the shareholders of Big Pharma, who are seeing their profits threatened by this sudden outbreak of fiscal sanity. I mean, how else are they supposed to afford their yachts and private jets if they can't fleece the public with overpriced weight loss drugs?

So, what's the solution? More government handouts? Price controls? A nationwide fitness mandate? Nah. The solution is simple: personal responsibility. Put down the donut, pick up a dumbbell, and stop expecting someone else to pay for your bad habits.

And for the 'body positivity' crowd, here's a thought: maybe try actually, you know, loving your body, instead of just demanding everyone else validate your unhealthy lifestyle. It's a radical concept, I know.

Meanwhile, I'm gonna go enjoy my burger and fries, guilt-free. Because freedom means being able to be a little chubby if I want to. Just don't expect me to pay for your Ozempic addiction.

In conclusion, the free market is undefeated. It's a cruel mistress, but a fair one. Plus, how else will Elon get to Mars without our money? I'm not a shill I swear.

Let them eat cake...or don't. It's their choice, as long as I don't have to pay for it. The government is not your wallet.