So, you thought you were safe with your Bisquick? Think again, bucko. The globalist elite are coming for your flour, and they're bringing their fancy, fiber-rich, virtue-signaling grains with them. Suddenly, it's not enough to just bake a damn cake. Now you gotta use craft flour, probably milled by a bearded hipster listening to vinyl records and charging 5x the price.

This whole craft flour craze is just another example of the left's obsession with controlling every aspect of our lives. First, they came for our gas stoves. Now they're coming for our Gold Medal. Where does it end?

They'll tell you it's about 'health' and 'sustainability'. Sure, Jan. It's about signaling how much better they are than you because they can afford to spend $20 on a bag of flour. While you're stuck with the plebian stuff, they're baking organic, gluten-free, locally sourced sourdough that probably tastes like cardboard anyway.

And don't even get me started on the 'influencers' pushing this garbage. These are the same people who shill for detox teas and promote unsustainable lifestyles, all while lecturing you about your carbon footprint. They're the epitome of hypocrisy, and they're using craft flour to further their agenda.

The real kicker? This 'less processed' flour probably tastes worse than the regular stuff. But hey, at least you can brag about how virtuous you are while you choke down your dry, flavorless bread. That's what really matters, right?

Wake up, sheeple! This is just another attempt by the left to control your life and tell you what to eat. Don't fall for their propaganda. Stick with the classics, and leave the fancy flour to the coastal elites.

Remember when flour was just flour? Good times. Now everything has to be 'artisanal' and 'sustainable' and cost a fortune. It's enough to make you want to bake a cake with Crisco and eat the whole thing in one sitting.

This is why we can't have nice things. The woke mob ruins everything. Craft flour? More like CRAP flour. I'd rather eat a Pop-Tart.

So next time you're at the grocery store, skip the fancy stuff and grab a bag of good old-fashioned all-purpose flour. You'll save money, support American farmers, and avoid falling prey to the latest woke trend. And that's a win-win-win.

Let them eat cake... made with craft flour. We'll be over here enjoying our delicious, affordable, non-woke baked goods. MAGA!

Pro-tip: If you really want to own the libs, bake a cake with the cheapest, most processed flour you can find. Then, post a picture of it on social media with the hashtag #CraftFlourIsForSuckers.

Resist the flourgentry. Make flour great again.