Alright, folks, gather 'round. Ebola's back, this time in the Democratic Republic of Congo. Apparently, 136 dead (officially), 513 suspected cases, and one unlucky sap in Uganda. Color me shocked.

The usual suspects are wringing their hands about "systemic inequities" and "lack of access to healthcare." Yeah, yeah, we get it. The Congo's a mess. But let's be real, this is Africa. Problems are kinda their thing. Now, I'm not saying they deserve to die of Ebola, but maybe, just maybe, they should get their act together. Just a thought.

Our own esteemed Health Minister over there, Dr. Samuel Roger Kamba, is playing catch-up. According to him, community alerts didn't start until May 8th. So, basically, the virus was having a free-for-all before anyone noticed. Classic.

And get this: some folks in Mongwalu think it's witchcraft. The "coffin phenomenon," they call it. If you touch a dead guy's coffin, you're toast. Sounds legit. I mean, it's probably just Ebola, but who are we to judge their ancient superstitions? Darwin Awards, anyone?

Of course, the WHO is "deeply concerned." That's their default setting. They're always "deeply concerned" about something. Maybe they should be "deeply concerned" about getting their act together and actually doing something useful for a change. Just a thought.

The Bundibugyo strain, apparently, is a tricky one. Less obvious symptoms, blah blah blah. The only thing I need to know is: will it shut down the economy? No? Okay, moving on.

Look, I'm not a heartless monster (okay, maybe a little). It sucks that people are dying. But let's be honest, the Congo is a long way away. As long as they keep that mess contained, I'm not losing any sleep. Unless, of course, it starts showing up in, say, Portland. Then we'll have a problem.

So, yeah, Ebola's back. Yawn. Wake me up when it's actually a threat to Western Civilization. Until then, I'll be over here hoarding toilet paper, just in case. You know, because 2020 never ended.

This whole situation just confirms what we already knew: the world is a dumpster fire, and no one has any idea what they're doing. Buckle up, buttercups. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

But hey, at least we're not in the Congo... yet.