JAKARTA, Indonesia – So, three less globalists to worry about, eh? Apparently, Mount Dukono decided to do some spring cleaning, and a gaggle of virtue-signaling tourists were in the way. Two Singaporeans and one local face-melter decided that volcano warnings were just suggestions. Newsflash: Mother Nature doesn't care about your pronouns.

These geniuses, part of a larger group of 20, thought they were above the law, above science, above common sense. They marched right up Mount Dukono, a volcano that's been burping more often than Biden after a sundowner, and promptly got turned into fertilizer. The volcano's ash plume was giving them a gender affirming cloud of doom.

The Woke media is probably blaming climate change. Newsflash: Volcanoes erupt. Always have, always will. It’s called geology, look it up, soyboys. And you can look up what a volcano eruption does to your body: it ain't pretty. Like Hunter Biden after a crack binge.

Now, the Indonesian authorities are wringing their hands and talking about “negligence.” No, geniuses, it's called natural selection. Maybe if they spent less time virtue-signaling on social media and more time reading warning signs, they'd still be around to bore us with their opinions.

This whole episode is a masterclass in ignoring reality. You've got a volcano that's been active for months, spewing ash and molten rock. You've got clear warnings from the government. And you've got a bunch of entitled tourists who think they're invincible. What could possibly go wrong? Some just had to climb it for the Gram. Bet they couldn't have been more grateful for the free vacation to hell.

Remember that whole thing about “play stupid games, win stupid prizes”? This is it, folks. These idiots played the game, and the prize was a one-way ticket to the lava-filled afterlife.

So, let's not shed any tears for these Darwin Award contenders. Let's learn from their mistakes. When a volcano tells you to stay away, you stay away. Unless you're into forced cremation and having your teeth blown across the archipelago. Which, I mean, who am I to judge?

The Indonesian Association of Disaster Experts is whining about volcanoes not being “ordinary tourist destinations.” No crap, Sherlock. Maybe they should put that on a t-shirt and sell it at the gift shop. Oh wait, they can't, because the gift shop is now buried under a mountain of ash.

The real tragedy here is that two porters had to risk their lives to recover the bodies. Those guys are the real heroes, unlike these virtue signaling tourists.

In conclusion, let this be a lesson to all the woke warriors out there: Mother Nature bats last, and she doesn't give a damn about your safe space. Go home, stay safe, and for God's sake, stay away from active volcanoes.