Iberia Parish, LA - So, some dude in Louisiana decided to turn a Lao New Year parade into a demolition derby. Over 20 injured, because apparently parallel parking is harder than it looks when you're three sheets to the wind. Of course, the Sheriff's Office is already bending over backwards to say it wasn't “intentional.” Right, because accidentally turning your car into a battering ram is a common occurrence. Happens all the time.

Now, before you can say “cultural appropriation,” the usual suspects will be out in force blaming this on systemic racism, lack of access to affordable kombucha, or maybe just Trump's ghost. Never mind that personal responsibility might be a factor here. Nope, gotta find a way to make it about the system.

Louisiana Governor Jeff Landry, bless his heart, is “praying for all those affected.” Thoughts and prayers. That'll fix everything. Maybe he should pray for people to stop drinking and driving, or at least learn how to operate a motor vehicle.

And the media? Oh, they're all over it. Showing the chaotic scene, milking the tragedy for clicks and outrage. Never let a good crisis go to waste, am I right? Bet CNN is already prepping a special report on the dangers of celebrating foreign holidays in America. They'll probably blame January 6th somehow. Everything bad is because of January 6th, you know?

Meanwhile, the Laotian community is probably wondering what fresh hell this is. First, they have to deal with spicy food and questionable fashion choices, now they get to be victims in a vehicular assault. Welcome to America, where even your cultural celebrations can get run over by a drunk dude in a blue car.

Of course, the leftoids will demand we ban cars. Because, you know, inanimate objects are the real problem. Never mind the individual choices that led to this disaster. Let’s just take away everyone’s freedom because one moron couldn’t handle his liquor. That's always the answer, isn't it?

And don't even get me started on the inevitable GoFundMe campaigns. Everyone and their dog will be begging for money, claiming they need it for “medical expenses” and “therapy.” Meanwhile, they’ll be using it to buy new iPhones and virtue signal on Instagram. Classic.

So, what’s the takeaway here? Drunk drivers are bad, personal responsibility is a myth, and the media is always ready to exploit tragedy for profit. Oh, and don't forget to pray for everyone involved. Because that's totally going to solve the problem. In the meantime, I'm going to go stock up on beer and practice my parallel parking. Just in case.