WASHINGTON — You can't drain the swamp, you can only relocate the alligators. More than three dozen former federal paper-pushers, victims of the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE, hilarious acronym btw) are now running for office. Apparently getting fired for being redundant wasn't the end of the line for these folks. Now they want to be elected to be redundant. Based.

So, these 'public servants' (lol) got a taste of the real world when DOGE decided to trim the fat (and there's a lot of it in government, believe me). Now they're screeching about 'attacks on public service' – code for 'I lost my cushy, taxpayer-funded gig and now I'm mad.' Most of them are Democrats, which figures. Free stuff for everyone…except the people paying for it.

These are the folks who think government is the answer to everything. More regulations, more spending, more power for the bureaucracy. They'll probably promise free everything – college, healthcare, avocado toast – all paid for by 'the rich' (aka anyone who works harder than them).

We spoke with three of these aspiring congress-critters, and let me tell you, the self-importance is off the charts. They act like losing their government job was some kind of injustice, instead of a much-needed correction to an over-bloated system. Maybe they'll win, maybe they won't. But one thing's for sure: they're not going to make things any less expensive.

Background context: The Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) was supposed to be the hero we needed, streamlining the government and cutting waste. Key word: supposed.

Relevant historical precedents: Remember that time someone actually shrunk the government? Me neither.

Expert analysis: Some think tank probably has a study on how firing bureaucrats saves money. Look it up yourself. I'm busy.

Implications: These races are a referendum on whether we want more government or less. The future of FREEDOM hangs in the balance! (Probably.)