You literally cannot make this up. England's heavily praised, state-run National Health Service (NHS) has completely melted down because the weather got hot. Multiple NHS trusts have declared official "critical incidents" because their basic infrastructure has collapsed. We are talking about broken MRI scanners, dead radiotherapy machines, crashed IT servers, and hospitals that are so hot they are telling sick people to bring their own water. It’s peak clown world.

Naturally, the clinical vice-president of the Royal College of Physicians immediately jumped on the mic to announce that NHS buildings need massive, expensive upgrades to survive the heat. Because apparently, expecting a multi-billion-dollar government healthcare system to have functioning air conditioning in the summer is asking way too much. Instead of actual planning, the bureaucrats are just demanding more taxpayer money to fix things they should have sorted out decades ago.

Meanwhile, emergency departments are completely overflowing. Doctors are reporting a massive surge of people, especially elderly patients, showing up collapsed or dehydrated. And what do they find when they get to the hospital? A sweltering, overcrowded mess. One doctor revealed that older patients on a geriatric ward were forced to roast in temperatures as high as 35 degrees Celsius. That is not a hospital; that’s a sauna.

But it gets even funnier. In the wards that actually do have built-in air conditioning, staff had to shut the units down. Why? To prevent the AC machines themselves from breaking due to the heat. Let that sink in: they turned off the air conditioning because it was too hot outside. You simply cannot write comedy this good.

The technological collapse is even more of a disaster. The heat managed to take down two linear accelerator machines used for treating cancer patients. Imagine waiting weeks for your oncology appointment only to find out the machine is dead because the hospital's cooling unit couldn't handle a summer day. Another doctor described working in a "relatively new" care setting that was literally "tacked on to an old Victorian hospital," calling the whole setup completely "hopeless."

Over Wednesday, the IT department at one trust had a near-death experience when their main servers started overheating. Panicked managers, fearing they would "lose everything," ordered staff to turn off all non-essential computers, electrical gear, and—wait for it—the actual lights. Yes, doctors were literally groping around in the dark to save the IT servers. This is modern medicine in the 21st century, folks.