Fort Hancock, Texas – So, a CBP drone went kaput near Fort Hancock, Texas. The FAA, bless their hearts, shut down the airspace. Gotta protect the buzzards, I guess. What's the over/under on this being blamed on 'climate change' by next Tuesday? We're talking about a drone crashing in Texas, not exactly the place you go to hide your CRT monitors.

Let's be real, folks. The border's a mess, everyone knows it. We're throwing taxpayer dollars at these fancy drones, and they're apparently less reliable than my uncle's '87 Ford pickup. You gotta wonder if they're buying these things from Wish.com. I'm picturing some CBP agent duct-taping the wings back on before every flight. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if the drone was running on Windows ME.

Now, the official story will be 'mechanical failure' or 'unspecified incident'. Right. More likely, it was either: A) Shot down by a cartel with a shoulder-fired missile (unlikely, but hilarious); B) Took a dirt nap because of a software glitch; C) Just plain fell apart mid-air because government contracts are awarded to the lowest bidder, who then outsources production to a sweatshop in Guangdong that also makes fidget spinners.

Don't even get me started on the 'privacy concerns'. Oh no, the government is watching us. Newsflash: they've been watching us since they invented taxes and the DMV. A drone buzzing around the border is the least of our problems. Unless you're smuggling fentanyl, you probably don't need to worry about a drone spotting you, unless of course you're an illegal alien.

The real question is, what are we getting for our money? Are these drones actually stopping anything? Or are they just expensive toys for bureaucrats to play with while the border remains about as secure as a screen door on a submarine? They probably cost as much as a house each too!

Someone needs to ask the tough questions, like: Does this drone have an OnlyFans? Is it unionized? Can it file a DEI report? Did the drone identify as a stealth bomber? Are they gonna replace it with a woke drone that only monitors for microaggressions? Did it at least have a 'thin blue line' sticker on it?

Look, I'm not saying we shouldn't secure the border. I'm saying we should do it with something that, you know, works. Maybe a giant wall made of barbed wire and angry badgers. At least that'd be entertaining. And probably more effective than these glorified RC planes.

So, let's pour one out for the fallen drone. May its wreckage serve as a warning to future generations of government contractors: Don't skimp on the quality, and maybe, just maybe, consider using Linux instead of Windows. Rest in pieces, drone. You will not be missed... much.

Sources:

* Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) * U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP)