DALLAS — Remember when science was about, like, science? Now some woke corporation called Colossal Biosciences is playing God with 3D-printed chicken eggs and gene-editing, all in the name of “de-extinction.” Sounds like a recipe for disaster, or at least a really bad dystopian movie.

These virtue-signaling clowns think they can bring back the dodo bird and some giant ostrich thing called a moa. Because, you know, we don't have enough problems already? Let's just unleash genetically modified birds on the world. What could possibly go wrong?

Trevor Snyder, a bioengineer at Colossal, is apparently the mastermind behind this whole egg-cellent endeavor. He's all excited about seeing chicken embryos with “eyes, a heartbeat, a beak, feathers, eyelids, wings, legs, and even claws.” Cool story, bro. Meanwhile, the rest of us are worried about paying for gas and groceries.

They claim they're doing this for conservation. Yeah, right. It’s probably just a distraction from the fact that they're funded by George Soros (citation needed) to push the woke agenda on our feathered friends. Next thing you know, they'll be teaching the dodos about pronouns and critical race theory.

"There's no bird on Earth today that could grow a moa embryo inside of one of their eggs," Snyder whined to NPR. So, instead of letting nature take its course, they're going to Frankenstein some new birds into existence. Because that's totally natural and not at all hubristic.

Colossal also claims to have brought back the dire wolf. Sure, Jan. And I'm sure they’ll bring back the woolly mammoth and the Tasmanian tiger too. All so they can virtue-signal about saving the planet while simultaneously destroying it. Seems legit.

Of course, there are “ethical concerns.” But who cares about ethics when you’re saving the planet? Besides, these are the same people who think it's okay to mutilate children and censor dissenting opinions. So, ethical concerns are probably just another talking point from the deep state.

Andrew Pask, Colossal's chief biology officer, calls the artificial egg technology “an incredible feat.” I call it an incredibly stupid waste of money. But hey, at least they're creating jobs for bioengineers and gender studies majors.

Neil Gostling, some paleobiologist at the University of Southampton, thinks it could help save endangered birds. That’s like saying a hammer can help you perform brain surgery. Sure, technically possible, but probably not a great idea.

So, there you have it. Colossal Biosciences is hatching woke birds in fake eggs, probably as a prelude to ushering in the end times. Stay vigilant, patriots. The birds are coming. And they’re probably going to vote Democrat.