DALLAS -- So, some company called Colossal Biosciences, run by your typical tech bro CEO Ben Lamm, wants to resurrect woolly mammoths. Because, you know, we don't have enough problems already. Climate change, woke indoctrination in schools, and now this. Sounds legit.

They've got a fancy 55,000-square-foot lab filled with 260 'scientists.' You know, the kind who probably think there are 72 genders. They're all playing with gene editing and cloning, trying to bring back a giant, hairy elephant from the dead. Because science.

Their Chief Science Officer, Beth Shapiro, is waving around mammoth tusks she dug up in the Arctic. Probably funded by your tax dollars, too. She's all excited about the DNA. I bet she's got pronouns in her email signature.

These geniuses are planning to stick mammoth embryos into Asian elephants. Asian elephants! An endangered species. So, to save the planet, they're gonna risk killing off more elephants? Peak clown world.

Let's be real. This is probably just a massive grift to get more funding from clueless investors who think they're saving the world. They'll promise to save the planet with mammoths, then quietly move to the Cayman Islands when things go sideways.

And what happens when these things escape? You think the government is prepared for herds of woolly mammoths rampaging through Yellowstone? I can see the headlines now: 'Mammoth Stampede Triggers Climate Emergency!'

Remember Jurassic Park? Yeah, well, these guys didn't learn anything from that movie. Bringing back extinct species is a terrible idea. Just leave the poor mammoths alone. They died for a reason. Probably.

This whole thing is just another example of woke science gone wild. They're so busy trying to rewrite history, they're ignoring the real problems. Like the fact that gas is $5 a gallon and the border is wide open.

Don't be surprised when this whole thing blows up in their faces. It's only a matter of time before we're dealing with mutant mammoth mosquitoes or some other Frankensteinian nightmare. You can't make this stuff up. Actually, they can. And they do.

So, enjoy your woke mammoths, folks. I'll be over here stockpiling ammo and waiting for the inevitable mammoth-pocalypse. At least we'll have some good BBQ.