It turns out the common swift is the most based bird in the animal kingdom. According to a massive 15-year study by the RSPB, these migratory legends would rather switch up their romantic partners than give up their real estate. While the mainstream media is busy hand-wringing over the 70% decline in their population since 1995, the real story here is how these birds have better property instincts than most humans, combined with the absolute clown show that is British housing policy.

Scientists spent a decade and a half tracking 190 swifts across 243 nests in Drewsteignton, Devon, using numbered leg rings to see who was sleeping where. The data is hilarious: 94% of the swifts returned to the exact same nesting box after flying all the way from Africa. But their relationship loyalty? A mediocre 59%. These birds are literally dumping their partners but keeping the house. It is a absolute power move. Naturally, this leads to intense, highly entertaining turf wars, with nest cameras capturing brutal bird fights over who gets to keep the prime real estate.

But while the swifts are busy holding down their property, human bureaucracy is doing what it does best: failing. The swift is currently red-listed, meaning it is staring down the barrel of extinction because modern building renovations are sealing up all the cozy little crevices under old roofs. The solution is ridiculously simple—a hollow £35 "swift brick" that lets the birds nest inside new walls without ruining the insulation. It is cheap, functional, and completely harmless.

Yet, the UK government in England has repeatedly refused to make this simple £35 brick mandatory for new builds. In a classic display of political spine-spinning, the new Labour government completely reversed its previous support for the measure. Meanwhile, Scotland—in a rare moment of legislative competence—actually made swift bricks a legal requirement earlier this year. It seems English politicians are too busy protecting the margins of big developers to care about a £35 block of clay.

This lack of national policy means local communities are forced to fight stupid battles on the ground. In Derbyshire, people had to raise a massive public outcry just to get Network Rail to reopen nesting holes they had brainlessly blocked up in a railway viaduct. Even worse, in Dorking, Surrey, clueless contractors literally demolished a historic nesting site during the active nesting season, leaving returning swifts with nowhere to go.

With UK Swift Awareness Week coming up, featuring over 150 local events, the public is left to clean up the mess left by lazy contractors and flip-flopping politicians. If we want to keep hearing the iconic "screaming parties" of these birds during the summer, we might have to start ignoring the state and taking matters into our own hands.