Alright, folks, buckle up, because Austin just had itself a little taste of the future, and it smells like burnt rubber and stolen firearms. Three rugrats, led by one Cristian Fajardo Mondragon (age: barely legal), decided to play real-life Grand Theft Auto for a solid 28 hours. Twelve shootings, four injuries, two fire stations catching strays – it’s like a progressive’s fever dream come to life.

Now, before the pearl-clutchers start bleating about “systemic issues” and “lack of opportunity,” let’s get real. These kids stole a firearm, stole a vehicle (or three), and then proceeded to turn Austin into their personal shooting range. That’s not a cry for help; that's a criminal enterprise run by people who probably spend too much time on TikTok.

And let's not forget the absolute genius move of shooting up a fire station. You know, the guys who are supposed to save you when your gender studies degree catches fire? Brilliant. Maybe they thought the firefighters were secretly alt-right extremists?

The Usual Suspects in the media will blame everything BUT the actual criminals. Guns, poverty, the patriarchy – anything but holding individuals accountable for their actions. Meanwhile, responsible gun owners are vilified, while these little thugs are coddled by a system that's more concerned with their “feelings” than the safety of the community.

Where were the parents? Probably busy virtue-signaling on Facebook or attending a protest about pronouns. Maybe if they spent less time worrying about microaggressions and more time teaching their kids right from wrong, Austin wouldn't be starring in its own dystopian action movie.

This whole thing is a microcosm of what happens when you prioritize feelings over facts, when you let criminals run wild, and when you demonize law enforcement. The results? A 28-hour shooting spree that proves, yet again, that wokeness is a virus, and Austin is Ground Zero.

So, congratulations, Austin. You’ve successfully created a generation of entitled, lawless zoomers who think the world owes them something. Enjoy the ride. Just try not to get shot in the process.

Maybe it's time to defund the social justice warriors and re-fund common sense. Just a thought.

And for the love of God, teach your kids some goddamn respect.