CANBERRA – Okay, zoomers, listen up. The AFP is clutching its pearls because Aussie pols are getting more threats. Like, a whole 951 reports since 2024-25, almost double what it was a couple years ago. Twenty-one people are facing charges. Cry me a river.

Apparently, Prime Minister Albo had to be evacuated from The Lodge 'cause of a bomb threat. Turns out, some folks are mad about this Shen Yun thing – some Chinese dance troupe linked to Falun Dafa. CCP probably had something to do with it, ngl.

But let's be real, most of these threats are probably from randos on social media. These politicians are so out of touch, they probably think 'based' is a type of fish. They're virtue signaling harder than a vegan at a barbecue, pushing agendas nobody asked for, then crying when people get mad? No wonder they're catching heat.

AFP Commissioner Krissy Barrett is deploying the “flying squad of hate disrupters.” A flying squad of hate disrupters? Sounds like something out of a bad sci-fi movie. More like a squad of woke scolds policing wrongthink. They’re supposed to be stopping “high-harm, high-impact politically motivated violence,” but you know they'll mostly be going after people who say mean things online.

Independent MP Allegra Spender got threatened with “rhetorically rape” on Telegram. Yikes. Not cool, dudes. But maybe she should stop simping for every woke cause that comes her way. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

And then there's Senator Fatima Payman, complaining about getting death threats since she left the Labor party. Sorry not sorry, babe. Politics ain't beanbag, someone is always going to disagree with you.

Look, I'm not condoning violence. Threatening people is bad, m'kay? But maybe, just maybe, if these politicians weren't so busy pushing divisive agendas and acting like they're better than everyone else, they wouldn't be getting so much hate. Just saying. Get off your high horses and start listening to the people who actually pay the bills. Or don't, and keep whining about mean tweets. See if anyone cares.

Maybe it's time for these overpaid, out-of-touch elites to wake up and realize that their policies are driving people nuts. Then, after that, the whole political class will get clowned on less, and that is on period.