Okay, okay, simmer down libs. I know, a socialist mayor doing something that sounds kinda based? Color me shocked. But even a broken clock is right twice a day, and apparently, Haris Doukas, the tree-hugging mayor of Athens, has finally realized that Athens is turning into a giant, soulless Airbnb theme park. Dude's talking about banning new tourist businesses in the historical center. About damn time.

Remember when Athens was a cradle of civilization? Now it's just a backdrop for Instagram influencers and boozy Brits on stag dos. Eight million tourists a year descending on a city of 700,000 residents? That's not sustainable, it's a damn plague. And who suffers? The actual Athenians. Priced out of their homes, crowded out of their neighborhoods, forced to endure the endless hordes of selfie stick-wielding morons.

Doukas, bless his little commie heart, is finally saying “Athens cannot operate as if it were a giant hotel.” He wants “restrictions and rules.” Translation: maybe, just maybe, Athens might not be completely ruined. Maybe.

The numbers don't lie. Overnight stays in Plaka – the freaking Plaka! – have doubled since 2018. That's not organic growth, that's a hostile takeover. And what are they building to accommodate this tourist tsunami? More hotels, more bars, more overpriced souvenir shops selling garbage made in China. Real authentic, I tells ya.

He's planting trees, too, which is fine and dandy, I guess. But you can't plant your way out of a demographic crisis. You can't greenwash over the fact that Athens is becoming a playground for the wealthy, while its own people are being squeezed out.

And here's the kicker: Doukas is going after construction companies, property investors, and those delightful rooftop bars. Oh, the outrage! The horror! The free market! Spare me. The free market doesn't mean you get to bulldoze history and build a skyscraper next to the Acropolis. It doesn't mean you get to turn every rooftop into a noisy, unlicensed bar. It means responsible development, something Athens seems to have forgotten.

His plan? A tourism land-use bill to ban new tourist businesses in the historical center. “We’ll be stopping all tourist investment in Plaka,” he says. Good. Now actually do it. Don't just talk about it. Enforce it. Make those greedy investors cry. Serve them up some sweet, sweet based justice.