LONGVIEW, Wash. — Alright, folks, gather 'round the dumpster fire. We got ourselves a good ol' fashioned chemical explosion up in Washington State. One poor sap is fertilizer, nine more are playing hide-and-seek with the Grim Reaper at the Nippon Dynawave Packaging Co. What happened? Some tank full of 'white liquor' (sounds kinky, probably isn't) decided to spontaneously disassemble itself. 900,000 gallons worth. Boom.

Naturally, the usual suspects are already screaming about corporate greed and climate change. Betcha a dollar AOC is drafting a bill to ban paper mills as we speak. Because, you know, paper is the REAL problem.

They're gonna wring their hands about 'environmental injustice' and demand reparations for the oxygen the mill supposedly stole from indigenous peoples. Meanwhile, real Americans are just trying to earn a living and buy toilet paper without having to sell a kidney.

Senator Patty Murray, bless her heart, is promising to 'get answers.' Which, in politician-speak, means she'll appoint a committee to study the problem for three years, issue a report nobody reads, and then blame Trump. Guaranteed.

Let's be real: stuff happens. Tanks break. Machines malfunction. People screw up. It's called life. But the left can't resist turning every tragedy into a socialist fundraising opportunity.

And don't even get me started on the firefighters getting hurt. They run INTO burning buildings while soy boys are busy virtue signaling on Twitter. Who's the real hero here?

I'm betting the 'cause' will be some combination of deferred maintenance and regulatory loopholes. Translation: the company probably skimped on upkeep to save a few bucks, and some bureaucrat didn't do their job. Surprise, surprise.

Meanwhile, remember that time a bunch of California elites were almost turned into flambé because of some other chemical tank? Funny how that one conveniently disappeared from the headlines when the libs were no longer able to score cheap political points.

The moral of the story? Life's dangerous. Drink heavily. And don't trust anything a politician tells you. And maybe, just maybe, invest in a gas mask. You know, just in case.

Associated Press contributed to this. (Probably written by a commie intern).

Sources: - OSHA (Occupational Safety and Hazard Administration, which, let's face it, isn't gonna admit they dropped the ball) - The Internet (For confirmation that the world is, indeed, going to hell in a handbasket)