Alright, folks, buckle up, because your summer vacation just got about as affordable as AOC's economic policies. Airlines are blaming Iran (surprise!) for jackin' up fuel prices, so now you're gonna pay extra to fly coach and get crammed in like sardines. Thanks, Brandon!

Remember when gas was, like, two bucks a gallon? Yeah, me too. Now we're supposed to be all electric and stuff, but turns out planes don't exactly run on windmills and thoughts and prayers. So, when Iran starts acting up, BOOM, fuel prices go kablooey, and suddenly flying to see Grandma costs more than her dentures.

This is all part of the plan, people. Klaus Schwab is rubbing his hands together, cackling about how you'll own nothing and be happy. Happy sitting at home, that is, because you can't afford to go anywhere. Remember that $6 gallon of gas Biden promised us? Well, the $500 plane ticket is right around the corner.

The libs will tell you it's all about climate change and saving the planet. They'll say you shouldn't be flying anyway. They'll virtue signal from their private jets while you're stuck driving a beat-up Corolla on a 'staycation' to the local Walmart.

But hey, at least the woke airlines will make sure your pilot is wearing the right pronouns. Priorities, am I right?

Meanwhile, the actual solution – you know, DRILLING FOR OIL LIKE CRAZY – is apparently off the table. We gotta save the polar bears or something. Never mind that China is building a new coal-fired power plant every five minutes. We're saving the planet, one cancelled vacation at a time.

So, what's a red-blooded American to do? Well, you can either sell your grandma's silverware to afford a plane ticket, or you can embrace the 'Great Reset' and learn to love the taste of bugs. Your call.

And don't even think about complaining to the airlines. They're too busy figuring out how to squeeze more seats into the same space and charge you extra for breathing. It's the free market, baby! Except when the government screws it up, which is always.

Remember the good old days when flying was a luxury? Now it's just an expensive form of torture. But hey, at least you get a free bag of peanuts (that probably expired in 2012). Small victories, people. Small victories.

So, book your flights now, before they cost more than your house. And remember to thank Iran, Biden, and the woke mob for ruining your summer. You're welcome!

Start a garden, learn to can food, and buy a bicycle. The future is now, old man.

In conclusion: buckle up and kiss your vacation plans goodbye. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.