NEWARK, N.J. – So, a United Airlines Boeing decides to get friendly with a light pole and a truck on the Jersey Turnpike. Right near Newark Airport. You can't make this stuff up. The NTSB is 'investigating,' which probably means they'll blame climate change or systemic racism.

Dashcam video, naturally, caught the whole thing. Because of course it did. And of course, the truck driver got a boo-boo. A minor one, but still. Meanwhile, 221 passengers and 10 crew members are probably rethinking their life choices right about now. Good thing it wasn't Spirit Airlines, or we'd be hearing about a full-blown apocalypse.

Transportation Secretary Bootyjudge – I mean, Sean Duffy – chimed in with the usual platitudes: “Safest place to fly!” “Unacceptable!” Right. Because government pronouncements always solve everything. Maybe instead of virtue signaling, he could focus on making sure the FAA isn't run by a bunch of diversity hires who can't tell a 767 from a Cessna.

Let's be real, folks. This isn't just some random accident. This is the inevitable result of decades of dumbing down everything. Pilots used to be Chuck Yeager types. Now they're probably required to check their pronouns before takeoff. Is it any wonder a plane can't even manage a simple landing without taking out a light pole and a poor schmuck's truck?

And don’t even get me started on the “rigorous flight safety investigation.” That’ll be a taxpayer-funded clown show, guaranteed. They’ll spend millions to conclude absolutely nothing, except maybe that we need more funding for “inclusive aviation initiatives.”

Seriously, though, where’s the accountability? Heads should roll. People should be fired. But of course, nobody will be. Because in today's America, incompetence is rewarded, and excellence is punished. Remember when they grounded the entire Boeing 737 Max fleet for over a year because of a software glitch that caused two fatal crashes? Yeah, the SAME Boeing whose planes now look like they were designed by a toddler on meth.

So buckle up, buttercups. The skies are getting more dangerous, and the government's 'solutions' are only making things worse. Just pray you're not on the next United flight that decides to go rogue and start rearranging the New Jersey landscape. And when it happens, remember: you get what you vote for. Oh, and maybe invest in a good dashcam.

In conclusion, this whole thing is a giant dumpster fire of incompetence, wokeism, and bureaucratic nonsense. And I, for one, am not surprised. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I'm gonna go invest in some anti-aircraft missiles. Just in case.