So, two chicks – Erika and Janett Liriano – outta Queens, right? Daddy was a bean counter, Mommy probably made bank too. They get all 'woke' and decide their biopharma/venture capital gigs ain't cutting it. Apparently, living the American Dream wasn't woke enough for these two.

Fast forward to 2020, pandemic hits, and instead of buying another Peloton, they decide to parachute back to the Dominican Republic and 'fix' the chocolate industry. Because, you know, capitalism is evil and those poor cacao farmers are being exploited by Big Chocolate. Insert eye roll emoji.

Dominican Republic, we're told, grows 60% of the world’s organic cacao. But get this: the real money is made in Belgium, Germany, and…wait for it… the United States. So naturally, it's the fault of evil whitey! The system is rigged! We need 'equity'!

These ladies are gonna swoop in and save the day with their 'fair trade' chocolate company, Inaru. Because if there's one thing woke millennials are good at, it's virtue signaling while simultaneously driving up the price of everything.

They went to the DR and discovered that the cocoa farmers were being exploited, imagine my shock. It turns out when you don't have massive corporate infrastructure, you can't always be picky about who you do business with. Someone's gotta pay for that yacht somehow! I mean, come on.

Cue the violins. The Lirianos are going to solve this by creating a socialist utopia through the power of artisanal chocolate. They'll probably demand subsidies, tax breaks, and a government-mandated minimum price for cacao beans. And guess who's gonna pay for it? You and me, buddy.

Don't get me wrong, I love chocolate. But I hate virtue signaling even more. These ladies probably think they're Che Guevara in stilettos, fighting the good fight against corporate greed. Meanwhile, they're probably charging $20 for a single bar of chocolate made with 'sustainably sourced' tears of joy.

This whole thing is giving me AOC vibes. Rich kids playing revolutionary while simultaneously benefiting from the very system they claim to despise. Can't wait for the inevitable Netflix documentary about their 'struggle'.

And the worst part? They’ll probably succeed. They’ll get the Forbes cover, the TED Talk, and the adoring masses will shower them with praise for being so 'brave' and 'authentic'. Ugh.