NEW YORK – Another day, another reason to facepalm. 'Happy,' the Bronx Zoo elephant who allegedly 'identified' as self-aware (thanks, science), has been euthanized. Apparently, at 55 years old, she just couldn't keep up with the woke agenda any longer.

First, let's get this straight: this elephant was OLD. Like, retirement-home-bingo old. They found a whole zoo full of problems in her necropsy, including the dreaded ‘inoperable uterine tumors’ which are the elephant version of blue hair and pronouns.

But naturally, the Nonhuman Rights Project – because everything needs a damn rights project these days – tried to turn this into a social justice cause. They wanted Happy declared a 'person.' A PERSON! Never mind that she couldn't file her taxes or contribute to society. They wanted her shipped off to some vegan commune where she could 'live her truth,' whatever that means for an elephant.

Let's be real, though. This wasn't about Happy's well-being. It was about virtue signaling. These activist groups need a cause to fundraise off, and a poor, geriatric elephant is apparently the perfect poster child. Meanwhile, real problems fester.

Of course, the zoo is the bad guy here because, gasp, they kept an elephant in a zoo! Never mind that they provided care for decades and tried to balance Happy's welfare with education and conservation efforts. No, that doesn’t fit the narrative of evil corporations exploiting innocent animals. What about people exploiting other people? Crickets.

So, Happy's gone. The planet continues to spin. And the woke mob will undoubtedly find another animal to champion in their never-ending quest to make the world a more ridiculous place. God save us.