So, the World Cup is hitting our shores for the first time in forever. Get ready for wall-to-wall coverage of guys flopping on the ground, virtue signaling, and enough woke pronouncements to make your head spin. Geoff Bennett chatted with some soccer guru, Leander Schaerlaeckens, author of that snooze-fest "The Long Game: U.S. Men's Soccer and Its Savage, Four-Decade Journey to the Top, or Thereabouts." Sounds thrilling.

First things first: the tickets. Expect to pay more than your mortgage for a decent seat. They'll claim it's 'market forces,' but we all know it's good old-fashioned price gouging. Only the elites will be able to afford to actually see the games. Peasants can watch on their giant flat screens, brought to you by Bud Light and Pfizer.

And don't even get me started on the U.S. team. They'll probably lose in the first round, but not before lecturing us on climate change and systemic racism. Maybe they should focus on, you know, kicking the ball into the net.

Schaerlaeckens' book probably waxes poetic about the 'journey' of American soccer. Spoiler alert: it's mostly been a journey of mediocrity. But hey, at least they're diverse, right? That's all that matters these days.

Expect endless think pieces about the 'cultural significance' of soccer. As if we don't have enough sports to watch already. But hey, it's a global game, so it must be inherently superior to, say, football or baseball. Right, globalists?

They'll try to tell you it's all about bringing the world together. But let's be honest, it's about money. Big corporations will rake in billions, while the average Joe struggles to afford a hot dog at the stadium.

Get ready for every company to slap a rainbow flag on their logo and pretend to care about social justice. It's all performative, of course. They'll be back to exploiting workers and polluting the environment as soon as the final whistle blows.

So, enjoy the World Cup. Or don't. Either way, it's going to be a circus. Just try to avoid getting too triggered by the woke nonsense and remember: it's just a game. A ridiculously overpriced, virtue-signaling game.

And if the U.S. team actually wins, I'll eat my MAGA hat. (But I'm not holding my breath).

Sources: * Bureau of Economic Analysis * Internal Revenue Service