Bunia, Democratic Republic of Congo — So, the geniuses over at the World Health Organization (WHO), fresh off their stellar performance managing… checks notes… absolutely nothing well, are now clutching their pearls because people in the DRC aren't exactly thrilled about having their burial rituals steamrolled by 'medical protocols' during the ongoing Ebola outbreak. Shocking, I know.

Apparently, according to the WHO's Director-General Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus (who sounds like he was generated by an AI that only reads Davos talking points), stopping Ebola requires checks notes again 'everybody’s business' and everyone 'should be involved.' Which, in WHO-speak, probably means 'do what we say or face the consequences (of… uh… more virtue signaling?).'

Look, let's break this down. The WHO is wringing its hands because people are protesting against the way Ebola victims' bodies are being handled. These protests, naturally, have been 'linked to at least three attacks against health centers.' Because, you know, respecting local customs is so 2019. When you ignore people's traditions you are basically asking for that smoke.

But here's the kicker: there's no vaccine for this particular strain of Ebola (the Bundibugyo virus). So, the WHO's grand plan basically boils down to 'show up at the hospital, and maybe you won't die.' Inspiring! Meanwhile, the organization has logged 906 suspected cases and 223 suspected deaths. Mission accomplished, team!

Of course, the DRC is a geopolitical dumpster fire, with 'fighting between rival armed groups' making everything even more complicated. Ghebreyesus, in a moment of breathtaking naiveté, has called for a ceasefire. Because warlords in the DRC are known for their unwavering commitment to… WHO press releases?

And just when you thought it couldn't get any better, we've got potential cases popping up in Brazil. A guy from the DRC with a fever? Ebola alarm! A dude from Uganda with a cough? Sound the klaxons! The panic is palpable.

The WHO, which has declared the outbreak a 'public health emergency of international concern' (because of course they did), wants you to know that this is the 17th recorded Ebola epidemic in the DRC. Apparently, lessons learned are not a thing. The good news? The EU and the US are throwing money at the problem. Because throwing money at problems always fixes them, right?