Okay, so the White House went full lockdown mode after reports of, like, 30 shots fired near the Eisenhower Executive Office Building. Thirty! That's enough to make even Sleepy Joe wake up. Apparently, the Secret Service was all like, "Get down!" to the journos. Probably scared they'd get caught in the crossfire between... uh... freedom and tyranny? I dunno, I'm just spitballing here.

Meanwhile, Papa Trump was chilling in the Oval Office, probably tweeting about how he's gonna make Iran great again (or something). He just announced they're this close to a deal. You know, the same Iran that probably funded the dudes with the guns? Just a thought. Maybe they were just celebrating the upcoming peace treaty with some enthusiastic target practice.

The libs are probably already blaming Trump for this, right? "Oh no, his MAGA energy attracted the violence!" Meanwhile, they're the ones rioting in the streets every Tuesday. Talk about projection.

Honestly, though, this is just another Tuesday in Clown World. Remember that time someone jumped the fence and tried to deliver Trump a strongly worded letter? Good times. Now we got actual gunfire. At this rate, next week will involve a full-scale siege with catapults.

The Secret Service, bless their hearts, probably just wanted to go home and watch Netflix. Instead, they're running around with guns drawn, protecting us from… whatever the heck is going on. They're the real MVPs.

I bet Hillary is somewhere cackling, thinking this is karma for 2016. Wrong, HRC. This is just a glitch in the Matrix. We're all living in a simulation anyway, so who cares if a few bullets fly? It's not like they're real. (Please don't fact-check me on that.)

Anyway, stay safe out there, fellow patriots. And remember, always be strapped. You never know when you'll need to defend yourself from the Deep State, antifa, or just some random dude with a vendetta against the White House. It's 2026, anything is possible.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go buy some more ammo and binge-watch InfoWars. Stay woke! (And armed.)